The Reason
by irishKaoru
Summary: Dee as lived three long years without Ryo. His thought's and situation might suprise you! Final story in the 'Cup of Coffee' arc however it is readable on it's own!


Disclaimer: OK I am not going to tell you all that I in no way shape or form own FAKE, it's characters, or story line, AND that I do not own the music or lyrics to 'The Reason' because you should already know this. So nope I am not going to tell you anything.  
Ryo: Urm Kaoru-chan you might want to take a look at the disclaimer again because you already told them everything.  
Kaoru: Oo so I did. You readers win this time but next time you will not be so lucky! **MUHAHAHAHAHA**  
Dee: Anou- Ryo what's wrong with the author chick?  
Ryo: Too little sleep, to much caffeine, and last I heard she was losing the war that she declared on the plot bunnies. There are just too many of them!  
Dee: So in other words we are in fear for our lives because we are at her mercy?  
Ryo: sob yeah something like that!  
Kaoru: DANCE MY PUPPETS DANCE!!! Enter more manic laughter here

Dedication: AI Maclean My tomodachi that proves that age doesn't really mater when it comes to friendship because even though she is a tad bit younger than me she has been there to make me smile when I needed her the most. Thanks for everything!!!!!

The Reason

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//I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know// 

I grew up in one of the worst possible ways, turning to even worse habits and destructive behaviors. I was a street rat, a punk, a juvenile delinquent. I know that there is nothing that I can do to change my past. Where I came from, who I knew, and what I did. I would never dream of it because if it hadn't been for those experiences I would not be the man that I am today.  
I know that I am far from perfect… in fact I am as far from perfect as a person could get. But I am in my mind a decent human being and for that I have you to thank my dear Ryo. You were an angel, I am convinced that was sent to me from our lord in heaven to see that I would become the person that he knew I could be. It was you who changed me for the better.  
That is why Ryo my love, I decided that I would no longer love another man or woman for as long as I live. I have caused you so much pain with my stupidness. I drove you into madness and turned a blind eye on the pain that you were suffering because of me. I refused to see the signs that were there all along, the fact that you were falling into your depression. I refused to believe that it was all because of me.  
I wish from the bottom of my broken heart that I had never once wavered in the way that I felt about you. No that's not really it; I wish that I never doubted your love for me. I wish that I had never wondered how a man such as yourself could fall in love with a man like me. Ryo I was so stupid and I hope that now in death you have forgiven me.

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

You are my reason for living. Even though it was you who went through the actions of killing yourself, I know that it was me who actually killed you. I drove you into the madness that you were plagued with and caused you to suffer in ways that I never thought you would. I never understood any of it, how could I. I had cut myself from your life completely.  
When they told me what had happened, that you had died, I cried like I had never cried before. I heard the news first from the guys at the precinct. They never said that you had killed yourself only that you were dead. At that point I was in to much shock to ask how. My shock grew ten fold when I went to your funeral and Bikky clocked me.  
He was right when he said that I had some guts showing my face at your funeral after what hell I had put you through. I had nothing to say for myself, there was nothing I could do. That was when I vowed that I wouldn't love another person. I knew that I would never love anyone as much as I had loved you. I broke up with my boyfriend that night without giving him any real reason, just that I was unable to actually commit to anyone at that point in time. He said he understood and left. I still talked to him, made sure that he was ok. I couldn't live with the guilt of messing more than one person up that bad. I couldn't really live with the guilt of hurting you to that point.  
Now as I lay here on my own death bed thinking about it, I am happy that I made that choice. I am not afraid of what I know is coming because I know that for better or worse I will get the chance to see you once more. Although I am unsure if you will love me again I will be able to at least say I am sorry.

I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear

Never once in my life would I wish harm upon you Ryo. That is why it hurt so much to keep living knowing that I caused your demise. You were depressed, overly so and I did nothing, which probably pushed you even further. If I had known, had any idea that it would have led to that, I would have taken back what I said, I would have pulled you close and made sure that I would never let you go. I would have shown you all the love that I still had for you.  
For three years I lived with knowing that I killed you, for three years I lived to the best of my ability for the both of us. So that your death wouldn't fade in my mind, so that I would always remember the things that you did for me and the way that you impacted my life without even trying. I lived in hopes that you would live as well, through me.  
I wish that I had been there. I wish that I had been able to kiss away your tears, rocky you gently, and tell you that everything would be ok. I wish that I was there for you with all my heart. But all the wishing in the world will not change the fact that I wasn't.  
I am laying here right now in a pool of my own blood and I can feel my life leaving me. I am hoping that at last I can rest and know that you are waiting for me. I hope that you see all that I have done to atone for treating you the way that I did… please Ryo for the love of God forgive me!

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is You [x4

"Officer down!" Ted roared over the walkie-talkie. "Hold on Dee help is on the way." Ted said softly knowing that even if help got there it wouldn't be enough. It had taken three bullets for the perp to drop Dee; one to the shoulder, one to the gut, and the last one to the chest. Dee had refused to go down. Not until the kid was safe. After the perp was down and the kid was safe Dee had dropped to the ground like a tone of bricks."It's o-ok man, you don't have to l-lie" Dee whispered hoarsely before he began to cough. Blood began to trickle out of the corner of his mouth. "He's there, that's where-" Dee grunted with the effort to speak "-that's where I should b-be as w-w-well."  
Dee said this as his eyes began to cloud over. The brilliant jade began to fade into a dark jade as if a shadow, perhaps the shadow of death, fell over it.

'You did good Dee' came a soft voice that was all too familiar. 'you did good!" A hand reached out from above him and Dee was ready to take it being pulled from his physical state into a pure nothingness. He looked down at his body and saw Ted yelling out his name but he could hear none of it.  
The coldness that had overtaken his body moments before was now replaced with a warm fuzzy feeling. He knew that he had died; he also knew he had no regrets. He looked to his angel and almost began to cry when he saw Ryo holding his hand looking lovingly to him.  
'I-I'm so sorry!' Dee broke down and fell to his knees. Ryo knelt with him and hugged him. "I'm sorry Ryo, I never meant to hurt you!' Dee sobbed.  
'I know love, I know." Ryo whispered to him over and over again. 'But I have also seen what I did to you. Dee I never meant to make you suffer like that, make you change the way you were because of my selfishness.'  
'NO!' Dee cried out, "I changed because I had to live for the both of us. Ryo I changed because of you, for you, because I wanted to.' Dee hugged Ryo like he was a life line.

I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

'You and I have both made mistakes in life that we have paid for until death Dee. But death is life again, life anew. I know that you are not perfect, I am not perfect either, that's why you and I work. Neither of us is perfect. Neither of us meant to hurt the other.' Ryo whispered in his ear hugging him even tighter than before as if it would convey his feelings. 'That is why I need you with me Dee.' Ryo pushed him back so that he could see his face and with a gentle hand wiped the tears that stained Dee's now angelic face.  
'You forgive me then?' He asked Ryo like a small child frightened of the outcome. Ryo smiled a little before he brought his lips to Dee's and kissed him deeply. When they parted Ryo placed a hand on either side of Dees face and smiled.  
'How could I not love, not after everything I have put you through?' Ryo rested his forehead against Dee's. "Now if only you will forgive me.'

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

'Do you really have to ask?' Dee kissed Ryo again. There in the afterlife they had met again. They had a chance at the relationship that went askew back on the mortal realm. Until death do us part had no bearing on the two men as they had made a vow to love one another for all of eternity and beyond if need be.

To those that were on the mortal realm it was a sight to behold. A white light that had enveloped Dee's body and a spirit that looked very much like Ryo. The two of them had ascended to heaven together hand in hand and a smile on their faces. There could be no doubt that Dee had once again found Ryo and Ryo and found Dee. There was no doubt of forgiveness. And those that were left there to witness this rested assure that there was no pain or suffering left to the two men who had suffered a great deal in living.

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you

"I love you Randy Ryo McLean"

"I love you Dee James Laytner"

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A/N: there you have it the last and in my opinion best story in the cup of coffee arc. I hope that you all enjoyed this story as much as I loved writing it. I didn't feel right leaving it open with Dee suffering so I knew in the end I had to have him find Ryo again. 

I took liberties with Dee's middle name. It was going to be Jess but it didn't sound right to me. Anyway please R&R

Irish Kaoru


End file.
